Sunday, December 12, 2010

I know what a divorced father feels like.

Those poor guys who lose their families to the capriciousness of shallow young women, I feel their pain. One day, you’re living your life, things are rough but you think you’re working on the problems and everything will be Ok. The next, she’s taken your kids and you have to petition a court to see them or you get only 1 afternoon a week, if you’re lucky and she doesn’t decide she has better things to do than bring them over.

I have lived with my grandson, my only grandchild, for over 14 months. I’m retired on disability and am home all day, every day. He and I are used to being together on a daily basis. My daughter, for reasons unknown to me, has decided to take him away to her on-again, off-again boyfriend’s grandmother’s house. I’ve asked and asked why and gotten only a litany of the bad things I did as a mother when she was eleven. She has said nothing on any current reasons why I am so impossible to live with now.

I’m not saying she didn’t have reasons. I know I’m an opinionated, crotchety old woman. I’d just like to know what I actually did wrong. If she won’t tell me what bothered her enough to take her son and run away, how am I supposed to do better in the future?

I had asked for every other weekend visitation with my grandson. She has countered with every Saturday afternoon when she comes over to take care of her cats that are still a part of my household. Since the boyfriend and his family are Jewish, I’ve also asked for Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. No answer on that as yet. They are invited for Christmas Eve dinner and dinner on Christmas Day as well. (I do a lot of cooking and baking in December!)

I miss him terribly! My house is still full of his toys, furniture, clothes, and just stuff in general. So, there is a constant reminder of who is not here. My house is still majorly disrupted by being “baby-proofed” by my daughter. I’m reluctant to put everything back if he’s really going to be here every week. She still has my sewing room full of her stuff and one other bedroom is still dedicated to him. So, they are gone but their stuff and her cats remain. I’m very lonely without him. I had such plans for Christmas together.

I’d like to have my house back if they’re not going to live here. I’d have her remove her stuff from my garage, basement, living room, family room and my sewing room but I’m afraid, if I push the matter, she will retaliate by withholding my grandson from me.

So, I know the pain, uncertainty, confusion and fear that fathers go through. Maybe we should form a support group.

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